REM in the water

(Disclaimer - Apologies for late post; I've spent the last three days in a house in the Bay Area with no internet access)

Last night I had another swimming pool dream.

I dreamt (tangent: spellcheck doesn't like 'dreamt;' is this a dying word?) I was headed to an IM inner tube water polo game; I was captain, and I really wanted our team to win, so I made sure to be at the pool early. The pool was located on Third street in between B and C and was about the size of a football field. Although I had attempted to be the first arrival, everyone was already there. My team consisted of some seventy people, some of whom were good friends, some of whom were random people from my life who occasionally make cameos in my dreams (i.e. the pharmacist from Rite Aid). I remember feeling aggravated because everyone was in the pool but no one was playing well; everything just seemed chaotic and loud. I jumped in the pool and sank slightly, until my body came to rest about seven feet below the surface. I could see hundreds of legs treading water above me, but then the water started to get cloudy and kind of milky in color. I tried to swim, but kept running into people since I couldn't see, so I had to surface. My friends M and K came but didn't want to get in the pool which made me mad. Then the first chair of the flute section from my high school symphonic band swam up in an orange headband and purple leg warmers and stuck a water bottle (our "ball") behind a napkin-sized net (our "goal"). Then all of a sudden I was the referee and I told her and one of her friends that they couldn't put the water bottle behind the net because it was cheating, and they got mad and swam away to the other side of the pool. And I was mad because they were cheating.

The weirdest part of my dream, however, came at a point where I had a bird's eye view of everything and noticed that there was a HUGE (think two or three of our classrooms combined) Pyrex baking dish lying on the bottom of the pool.

I suppose at this point it is needless to say that I have strange dreams.

Though I feel that dream interpretation is, to quote Truman, "Forty-nine percent B.S.," I do wonder what my dreams might mean. There are some dreams I've had where I clearly recognize elements from the previous day, while other dreams have recurred so often they've become more like television reruns than subconscious analyses. I've had dreams about driving, about dying, about spiders and cats and coffee and money; I've dreamt that I was old, that I was a child, that I was Alexis Bledel, that I was a guy. I once even dreamt that I was split into two people and my brothers (which I don't actually have) were trying to kill my other half with their rotting, mold-encrusted socks (it was at this point in the dream that I realized I was asleep and woke up laughing).

But swimming pools have worked their way into my dream rotation on multiple occasions. Does that mean something? Would I unlock some hidden chamber in my subconscious if I could decode the meaning of the deep blue basin?

I still remember my high school psychology teacher trying to explain a dream to me (my dream had again been about a swimming pool, taking place this time at night on the top of a massive diving board with me wearing ski boots and a snow parka; my paper on this dream is still tucked away in my nightstand). The pool, he said, usually represents some kind of peace or placidity; it is a calming symbol. In other cases, however, it may simply represent the unconscious itself.

It seems slightly funny to me to be swimming in your unconscious during a period of unconsciousness. But let's run with this for a minute; how could my dream be interpreted if the pool is in fact my unconscious?

The logical first question to ask is, "What was in the pool?" One could assume that whatever was in the pool is also in my unconscious. So we have:

Me
legs
cloudy, milky water
people (both friends and acquaintances)
water bottle
tiny nets
giant Pyrex baking dish

The logical next question is, "What do each of these elements mean?"

Anybody?

I've got a hunch the dream dictionary doesn't have an entry for "Pyrex baking dish."

But maybe there's a reason dreams are so random and obscure. Perhaps they serve as an outlet for everything wiggety-wack in our heads while we sleep so that we can lead relatively normal lives awake. If my brain feels the need to work something out, I'd rather it do it behind the veil of sleep than while I'm grocery-shopping or eating dinner.

Or swimming.

And maybe trying to understand dreams defeats the purpose of dreaming. Maybe dreams are a way for us to clear the psychological refuse from our heads so that we can spend each day refreshed. Maybe "everything will be better in the morning" because our minds will have been emptied of the crap collected over the course of the day.

If that is indeed the case, I think I'll head to bed.



(RF's interpretation of the dream in his words:

The water is non-fat milk.
The dish is because you like baking.
The water bottle is for bathrooms.
The nets are because you feel like a goldfish and they are napkin-sized because I make messes.)

deconstructing deconstruction

Interestingly, though Chris remarked that deconstruction was one of the more difficult words in "New Keywords," I had originally been thinking about it in the context of salad.

Deconstructed salads and other deconstructed foods are part of a somewhat recent fad to separate the elements of classic or familiar dishes (think key lime pie) and present them in new or "exciting" ways (think key lime mousse served in a margarita dish with a dollop of whipped cream and a graham cracker). I don't quite get it. I still remember my first experience with deconstructed salad quite clearly. I was with my family at Skate's on the Berkeley Marina, celebrating my mom's birthday. My grandma and my mom had ordered a caesar salad to share though my sister, Elizabeth, sat between them; in the past, the salad had been served fully prepped and dressed on two separate plates, so a diner's geographical location at the table was never an issue. This night's salad, however, arrived on a single long plate which, after a moment's hesitation on the part of the waitress, was placed between my mom and grandma in front of my sister. Elizabeth, who at ten or so was already adept at questioning the obvious, asked, "Why did you order lettuce?" My grandma, on the other hand, saw not lettuce, but a salad the kitchen had simply forgotten to finish. "No, no," explained the waitress. "It's supposed to be like that, it's deconstructed." After she had left, my mom dutifully cut the DIY lettuce leaves into pieces while my sister questioned the meaning of "deconstructed" and my grandma glared at the dish in mild offense.

Enough about salad.

I'll admit to my intrigue as to the meanings of "deconstruction," especially after I was told it would be challenging. Why? What is so challenging about a word which is, essentially, the opposite of a word I knew very well?

Perhaps one reason is because of the fact that the word has a metaphysical basis; it is almost synonymous (according to the text) to a "criticism," namely of ideas (Bennet, Glossberg, Morris, 70). I had only ever thought of it in a physical (or, as Chris said, architectural) sense, as in deconstructing a building or a puzzle or... well, a salad. Apparently, I had a one-dimensional understanding of the word.

"Deconstruction is a reading of and towards systems of differential relations which... exist and change in time and are open-ended; of modes of being without self identity or origin; of a presence which is endlessly deferred."

Okay.

So what does this mean in the context of diaspora, society, reform and revolution, and race?

I tried to come up with relational words to better understand the meaning of deconstruction within the context of our cluster:

Diaspora - perhaps deconstruction in this case could have to do with separation of people, ideas, technology, and a deconstruction of society.

Society - deconstruction could imply more of a transition, either architecturally or idealogically.

Reform and Revolution - again, transition, but also reclamation, such as in the deconstruction of an oppressive regime or idea or mindset.

Race - This could have to do with the deconstruction of one's ethnic self, or identification of background, and, in some cases, the isolation of people or groups.

"Deconstruction is a strategy of complication" (p.70)

Is deconstruction in actuality the breakdown of ideas which remains complicated due to contextual and chronological parameters? Is that what makes this word "key?"

blog blog blog

My first impression of "New Keywords" was one of absence.

I had postponed my visit to the bookstore to sign up for a weekly "funky-style street dance" course with my roommate. We had decided it would be our last joint activity before she moved home. After UWP, I got a bran muffin and waited outside of the Silo for the Experimental College to open so I could ensure myself a place in the class. It was one of those transitional periods where time is essentially lost, existing in too small a chunk to be very useful or productive, yet too big a space to exclude boredom.

Ten things I thought about while I was waiting:

1. It is hot.
2. I wish I wasn't wearing jeans.
3. Oh shoot, I forgot to contest that parking ticket from a couple of weeks ago.
4. This muffin is delicious.
5. That looks like Becca over there.
6. That isn't actually Becca.
7. I'm not sure about this whole blogging thing.
8. There must be fifty blueberries in this muffin.
9. What should my blog be called?
10. Haha, look at that duck over there.

I got tired of waiting and ran upstairs and signed up for my classes. No one was ahead of me in line, so I managed to sign myself up for classes AND get a complimentary t-shirt in my size (generally a crap shoot at any place offering complimentary t-shirts) within ten minutes. I then made my way over to the bookstore to pick up my copy of "New Keywords."

Ten things I thought about on the way to the bookstore:

1. Do not forget to run the t-shirt through the dryer to heat-set the screen print.
2. Why is it still so smoky?
3. Canadian Regional Development, that's the first time I've heard that.
4. Do not forget to read other blogs, too.
5. Can you recycle a paper bag after it's held a muffin?
6. REALLY do not forget about the parking ticket.
7. I wonder if this is a book that I can sell back to the bookstore when I'm done.
8. I hope the bookstore doesn't rip me off like last quarter.
9. I hope if I get ripped off like last quarter it's at least for a worthwhile book.
10. I wish I had another muffin.

I threw my shirt and my notebook into one of the two remaining lockers in the bookstore and made my way downstairs; I remembered that someone in our class had said the UWP books were behind the information desk and I immediately noticed the green and yellow UWP signs taped to the top shelf.

Right above four rows of empty shelves.

It appeared as though the rest of UWP 101 had beat me to the punch and bought every last book while I was committing to my funky-style Wednesday evenings. I didn't feel like I had been busy for that long; I also found it hard to believe that everyone had immediately rushed to get their own copy after class. But there they were, five empty shelves next to a pile of creative writing and prose compilations.

Ten things I thought about while looking at the shelves:

1. Seriously? They didn't buy enough books for the class?
2. Oh, I bet that people on the waitlist bought books, too.
3. We didn't need to read the book yet, this was just first impressions, right?
4. I guess a lack of an impression is still an impression.
5. Parking ticket, parking ticket, parking ticket...
6. Hmm, I wonder if they'll get more books, I don't want to order online right now.
7. What will I write about if I don't have the book?
8. I have impressions from what we talked about in class, I guess.
9. Seriously, I don't understand how every book could have sold before I got here.
10. Maybe I should ask someone if they're going to get more books in soon.

A student employee asked me if I needed help before I even made it to the information desk; apparently my confusion made itself more obvious than I had realized. I asked him if he could tell me when the store would be getting more copies of the required reading for UWP 101. He asked me my class section and then said, "Well, I'm not sure, but let's go eyeball the situation" as he led me back to the shelves. I followed him reluctantly, knowing we'd again reach the blank racks of the back wall. He, however, walked past the empty shelves and stopped in front of a different section of the store. I was about to open my mouth to notify him of his mistake when he held up a copy of "New Keywords." "Is this what you're looking for?" he asked. "Oh... yes," I said, and took the copy from him. "Thanks."

Things I thought about while holding the book:

1. Well, that was stupid.
2. I can't believe that I didn't see the books over here.
3. But it says UWP over there... and over here?
4. That guy probably thinks I'm a little stupid.
5. Well at least I have the book... oh, someone wrote all over this.
6. Someone wrote in this one, too.
7. Wait, there was something I was supposed to remember...
8. Oh, this one doesn't have any writing in it.
9. Yeah, okay, this one looks good.
10. OH RIGHT, parking ticket!

So now I have the book. I still don't quite know how I feel about it; I've been flipping through it's pages and it... well, it honestly makes me think of my dad. He's one of those people whom you'll ask a question such as "Why don't the Milky Way planets ever bump into each other?" and he'll say, "Well, Aristotle once believed..." and by the time he's reached the part where he explains about the effects of gravity and elliptical orbits, you've learned more about astronomy than you ever wanted to know.

Not that that's a bad thing...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think, at times, I'll get frustrated with this book. I'll want a simple answer to a simple question and I don't know if this text will grant such a request. There will probably be a couple of days where I only look at the boldface and do my best to guess the message the book is offering behind these key words.

But perhaps I'll learn more than I imagined I could...